Current Community News
Summer Office Hours - Monday, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday 10:00am - 12:00pm
Our staff is working reduced hours onsite during the summer months but you can reach people directly via email. We will return in September to full office hours. Have a great summer!
Our minister is on vacation and study leave through August 10. In the event of a pastoral emergency, you can reach her at minister@hinsdaleunitarian.org or through our staff.
Our staff is working reduced hours onsite during the summer months but you can reach people directly via email. We will return in September to full office hours. Have a great summer!
Our minister is on vacation and study leave through August 10. In the event of a pastoral emergency, you can reach her at minister@hinsdaleunitarian.org or through our staff.
In Loving Memory
Thomas S. Stillman
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It is with deep sadness that we share that longtime church member Tom Stillman died unexpectedly July 15th. We extend our love and care to his wife Deborah, children Dara and Slater and their extended family at the sudden loss of this gentle and kind man. Tom served his country and fellow humans, always working to make the world a safer place. You can find Tom's obituary here.
A memorial service will be held Saturday, July 24 at 11:00 am in the sanctuary of the Unitarian Church of Hinsdale. You are welcome to attend or join on Zoom. A short reception will follow the memorial. |
June 23, 1956 - July 15, 2021
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Making Sense of the Unimaginable by Rev Pam Rumancik
Our community lost an exceptionally good man this past week. Tom Stillman was a gentle soul; kind, smart and loyal, with a sly smile and ready sense of humor. He loved his family and served his country. In the mind of anyone who knew him, Tom was rock solid, the salt of the earth. I first knew him when he served on the Search Committee calling me to serve this church. I appreciated both his intense commitment and his mischievous smile. He took life seriously, but made it look easy, which makes it so much harder to learn that he died by his own hand. This vibrant soul, who just celebrated his daughter’s wedding, made a decision that puzzles everyone who knew him.
What are we to do with that? As human beings, a core tug on our psyches is to identify patterns; to understand; to make sense of the world around us. Understanding seems to offer control that will keep us safe – even as we suspect it is mainly an illusion.
The contradiction that this man, devoted to keeping other people safe, could not be safe himself shifts the ground beneath our feet. It’s understandable to want to invent stories to understand why; to put this anomaly in a manageable box. Maybe we’ll lump it in with the tragic increase in self-induced deaths throughout law enforcement. Perhaps add it into the epidemic of suicide among older white men. Possibly even ascribe it to the accessibility of firearms during a particularly dark moment.
But the deepest truth is that we don’t know. All we know is that ending his life seemed the best choice at that moment for this good and decent human being. And we know that it hurts.
In her book “H is for Hawk” Helen McDonald illustrates the mechanics of human grief. She writes:
"‘imagine your whole family is in a room…someone comes into the room and punches you all in the stomach. … you all share the same kind of pain, exactly the same, but you’re too busy experiencing total agony to feel anything other than completely alone.”
You can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone. I’m guessing this describes not only Tom’s experience, but also that of those grieving his loss right now.
It seems that just about everyone experiences this kind of intense isolation at some point in life.
Whether through grief or illness, overwork or overwhelm, anxiety or loss, the more pain we’re in, the more alone we feel. And sometimes people around have no idea. Sometimes suicide comes out of the blue and loved ones are left feeling like they failed. If they had paid more attention; if they had just noticed some tiny sign; if they had made that call or reached out one more time… but none of it is true.
While connected in the wider web of being, we are each singly responsible for our own journey. Each of us experiencing that particular punch in the stomach within a separate consciousness and unique ability to respond.
Tom’s death reminds us of how little we actually know about the inner working of our fellow travelers, how isolated any of us might feel in a given moment. It invites us to widen our hearts and imagine that people around us, who seem fine, might be holding unseen pain. From that perspective we might choose compassion over judgement, humility over arrogance. We might choose to love even when it’s really hard.
Tom Stillman lived his life serving others and making the world a safer place. He provided for his family and made sure they had what they needed. He took care of the world around him and offered it his best. It is our deep sorrow that he didn’t share his pain so that the people who loved him could support him in his hour of need.
But this ending is not the sum of Tom’s life. It is only one day in a lifetime of sixty plus years which left a beautiful example of giving, of sharing, of loyalty and of service that can stand as a model to everyone who knew him.
Each human walks a path between joy and sorrow, navigating through challenges both visible and unseen. We might not understand, but we don’t have to. We only have to live and learn and remember to reach out when we find ourselves doubled over from an invisible blow.
You are loved. You are known. You have a community which can walk with you no matter how alone you might feel. We have to remember that we can only receive love when we open our hearts to those around us and that the best any of us can do is to remember our deepest connection to one another and look through eyes of love and care upon a hurting world.
Tom’s lasting legacy is a reminder to live each day in love.
Our community lost an exceptionally good man this past week. Tom Stillman was a gentle soul; kind, smart and loyal, with a sly smile and ready sense of humor. He loved his family and served his country. In the mind of anyone who knew him, Tom was rock solid, the salt of the earth. I first knew him when he served on the Search Committee calling me to serve this church. I appreciated both his intense commitment and his mischievous smile. He took life seriously, but made it look easy, which makes it so much harder to learn that he died by his own hand. This vibrant soul, who just celebrated his daughter’s wedding, made a decision that puzzles everyone who knew him.
What are we to do with that? As human beings, a core tug on our psyches is to identify patterns; to understand; to make sense of the world around us. Understanding seems to offer control that will keep us safe – even as we suspect it is mainly an illusion.
The contradiction that this man, devoted to keeping other people safe, could not be safe himself shifts the ground beneath our feet. It’s understandable to want to invent stories to understand why; to put this anomaly in a manageable box. Maybe we’ll lump it in with the tragic increase in self-induced deaths throughout law enforcement. Perhaps add it into the epidemic of suicide among older white men. Possibly even ascribe it to the accessibility of firearms during a particularly dark moment.
But the deepest truth is that we don’t know. All we know is that ending his life seemed the best choice at that moment for this good and decent human being. And we know that it hurts.
In her book “H is for Hawk” Helen McDonald illustrates the mechanics of human grief. She writes:
"‘imagine your whole family is in a room…someone comes into the room and punches you all in the stomach. … you all share the same kind of pain, exactly the same, but you’re too busy experiencing total agony to feel anything other than completely alone.”
You can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone. I’m guessing this describes not only Tom’s experience, but also that of those grieving his loss right now.
It seems that just about everyone experiences this kind of intense isolation at some point in life.
Whether through grief or illness, overwork or overwhelm, anxiety or loss, the more pain we’re in, the more alone we feel. And sometimes people around have no idea. Sometimes suicide comes out of the blue and loved ones are left feeling like they failed. If they had paid more attention; if they had just noticed some tiny sign; if they had made that call or reached out one more time… but none of it is true.
While connected in the wider web of being, we are each singly responsible for our own journey. Each of us experiencing that particular punch in the stomach within a separate consciousness and unique ability to respond.
Tom’s death reminds us of how little we actually know about the inner working of our fellow travelers, how isolated any of us might feel in a given moment. It invites us to widen our hearts and imagine that people around us, who seem fine, might be holding unseen pain. From that perspective we might choose compassion over judgement, humility over arrogance. We might choose to love even when it’s really hard.
Tom Stillman lived his life serving others and making the world a safer place. He provided for his family and made sure they had what they needed. He took care of the world around him and offered it his best. It is our deep sorrow that he didn’t share his pain so that the people who loved him could support him in his hour of need.
But this ending is not the sum of Tom’s life. It is only one day in a lifetime of sixty plus years which left a beautiful example of giving, of sharing, of loyalty and of service that can stand as a model to everyone who knew him.
Each human walks a path between joy and sorrow, navigating through challenges both visible and unseen. We might not understand, but we don’t have to. We only have to live and learn and remember to reach out when we find ourselves doubled over from an invisible blow.
You are loved. You are known. You have a community which can walk with you no matter how alone you might feel. We have to remember that we can only receive love when we open our hearts to those around us and that the best any of us can do is to remember our deepest connection to one another and look through eyes of love and care upon a hurting world.
Tom’s lasting legacy is a reminder to live each day in love.
Community Vaccination Clinic - Walk-Ins Welcome
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Green Sanctuary Pollinator Program Brings Orange Sunshine
Green Sanctuary is dedicated to helping butterflies and bees find food and a good home. This spring we are distributing a Butterfly Weed plant to every church member and every household. Butterfly weed, Asclepias tuberosa, is a beautiful, low-growing plant with bright orange flowers, and it’s a host plant for the Monarch butterfly. You can plant it in any sunny spot--even if you have a porch and a planter, you can join in. Very soon, masked butterfly champions will visit your home—don’t worry, we’ll call or write first—with your own bit of orange sunshine. Watch your email and let’s get planting!
Green Sanctuary is dedicated to helping butterflies and bees find food and a good home. This spring we are distributing a Butterfly Weed plant to every church member and every household. Butterfly weed, Asclepias tuberosa, is a beautiful, low-growing plant with bright orange flowers, and it’s a host plant for the Monarch butterfly. You can plant it in any sunny spot--even if you have a porch and a planter, you can join in. Very soon, masked butterfly champions will visit your home—don’t worry, we’ll call or write first—with your own bit of orange sunshine. Watch your email and let’s get planting!
Wise Elders Weekly Gathering
Join Tracey Olson and elders of the community for a wide ranging conversation about life, memories, stories and a dash of politics for fun. Contact Tracy Olson for link
Join Tracey Olson and elders of the community for a wide ranging conversation about life, memories, stories and a dash of politics for fun. Contact Tracy Olson for link
Response to the Book Caste by Isabelle Wilkerson
By Mike Greenwood
Sometimes I can approach a book naively as I did with Isabelle Wilkerson’s Caste. As I reserved the book from my local library, I remember thinking that “caste” is something I know happens in India but here, where I live? No way. Little did I realize or anticipate that I would be challenged again and again with her provocative premise that there is an unspoken caste system in the United States of America.
Caste was not a comfortable read especially given I read it in the context of Black Lives Matter vigils and protests, the trials of police offers who were acquitted of killing black men and women, and the reckoning by a lot of white folks that we have ignored systematic racism in our institutions and policies.
In the context of this crisis, Isabel Wilkerson laid out a case for systematic classism by identifying eight underlying pillars of a caste system and using examples, often from her own life, of how they operated in Nazi Germany, in India and within the U.S. Allow me to share two of the multitude of examples she provides in her 496 page book: Read more
By Mike Greenwood
Sometimes I can approach a book naively as I did with Isabelle Wilkerson’s Caste. As I reserved the book from my local library, I remember thinking that “caste” is something I know happens in India but here, where I live? No way. Little did I realize or anticipate that I would be challenged again and again with her provocative premise that there is an unspoken caste system in the United States of America.
Caste was not a comfortable read especially given I read it in the context of Black Lives Matter vigils and protests, the trials of police offers who were acquitted of killing black men and women, and the reckoning by a lot of white folks that we have ignored systematic racism in our institutions and policies.
In the context of this crisis, Isabel Wilkerson laid out a case for systematic classism by identifying eight underlying pillars of a caste system and using examples, often from her own life, of how they operated in Nazi Germany, in India and within the U.S. Allow me to share two of the multitude of examples she provides in her 496 page book: Read more
Volunteer Opportunities
We need volunteers for a variety of things ranging from projects for those who enjoy spearheading productive conversations on social media to more specific areas including design work, writing/editing, posting to social media, production of worship materials, making calls to obtain permissions to post sermons and other worship materials, and more. If you are interested in volunteering, you can reach us at info@uuclassconversations.org.
We need volunteers for a variety of things ranging from projects for those who enjoy spearheading productive conversations on social media to more specific areas including design work, writing/editing, posting to social media, production of worship materials, making calls to obtain permissions to post sermons and other worship materials, and more. If you are interested in volunteering, you can reach us at info@uuclassconversations.org.
Past Event recordings
Kathy Salzano Obituary
Memorial Service for Kathy Salzano
Saturday, February 20 Recording
It is with deep sadness that we extend our condolences to the family of Kathy Salzano who passed away on Feb 3 after a short bout with cancer.
Kathy's cheerful presence and kind heart will be sorely missed in our community. Her memorial service was held on Feb 20th.
You can read Kathy's Obituary Here and view a recording of her service.
Memorial Service for Kathy Salzano
Saturday, February 20 Recording
It is with deep sadness that we extend our condolences to the family of Kathy Salzano who passed away on Feb 3 after a short bout with cancer.
Kathy's cheerful presence and kind heart will be sorely missed in our community. Her memorial service was held on Feb 20th.
You can read Kathy's Obituary Here and view a recording of her service.
Questions & Answer Period on End of Life Issues - Already past
You can still watch the videos below and contact Rev Harding for more information.
Have questions about family members or wanting to learn more about End of Life issues? Watch Elizabeth's videos about Palliative Care 101, Hospice 101 and Advance Directives ahead of our session. Write down your questions or scenarios and come to the Q and A session over Zoom. Elizabeth will be available for an hour to talk with you about the video material and any questions you may have. If you would prefer to talk with Elizabeth privately, she would be glad to set up an appointment with you. Rev Elizabeth Harding
You can still watch the videos below and contact Rev Harding for more information.
Have questions about family members or wanting to learn more about End of Life issues? Watch Elizabeth's videos about Palliative Care 101, Hospice 101 and Advance Directives ahead of our session. Write down your questions or scenarios and come to the Q and A session over Zoom. Elizabeth will be available for an hour to talk with you about the video material and any questions you may have. If you would prefer to talk with Elizabeth privately, she would be glad to set up an appointment with you. Rev Elizabeth Harding
You can watch a recording of this event here.
Stateville Calling,
Saturday, March 13 at 10:00 a.m.
stateville_calling_flyer_revised.pdf Stateville Calling explores the possibility of restoring incarcerated people’s lives, highlighting the personal narratives of elderly prisoners. Directed by Ben Kolak and produced by Yana Kunichoff, the hour-long documentary follows the current battle to pass legislation reinstating parole in Illinois, which the state hasn’t had since 1978.” (People’s World)
The discussion following the film will feature Bill Ryan, prison reformer and activist, along with a returning citizen and a representative of the Unitarian Universalist Prison Ministry of Illinois.
This event is sponsored by the Unitarian Church of Hinsdale (UCH), in cooperation with Stateville Calling producer Truth & Documentary.
Questions, contact mhonelwilson@gmail.com
Stateville Calling,
Saturday, March 13 at 10:00 a.m.
stateville_calling_flyer_revised.pdf Stateville Calling explores the possibility of restoring incarcerated people’s lives, highlighting the personal narratives of elderly prisoners. Directed by Ben Kolak and produced by Yana Kunichoff, the hour-long documentary follows the current battle to pass legislation reinstating parole in Illinois, which the state hasn’t had since 1978.” (People’s World)
The discussion following the film will feature Bill Ryan, prison reformer and activist, along with a returning citizen and a representative of the Unitarian Universalist Prison Ministry of Illinois.
This event is sponsored by the Unitarian Church of Hinsdale (UCH), in cooperation with Stateville Calling producer Truth & Documentary.
Questions, contact mhonelwilson@gmail.com
Please keep checking our calendar
for updates and virtual meetings!
Acoustic Renaissance Concerts
*Please keep watching the calendar for changes in upcoming meeting and events
